And this display is all that's left of CONTROL, a secret spy agency...
...which once battled against the criminal syndicate known as KAOS.
CONTROL was disbanded at the end of the Cold War.
Okay, up next, an exhibit...
Judy, the elevator is still doing that thing where it drops really fast.
Are you sure Maintenance fixed that?
Let me check.
Yep, they fixed it.
See you later.
- Hey, Max. Agent 50.
16 floors down, how'd a fly even get in here?
- Hey, Max. - Max!
Hey, Larabee, 91.
Yeah, big day. Could be your last chance to push a pencil.
Field-agent test results are due.
Oh. Is that today? I wasn't really thinking about it.
Can you imagine Max as an agent? Little suit, little shoes.
Uh-oh. Two-nerd pile-up.
- Move! - Ow!
Pretty boys. Nothing but empty suits.
- Good morning, Bruce, Lloyd. - Why would you wanna be an agent?
I mean, lab guys like us, analysts like you, we're the real soldiers.
We're the true guardians of freedom and democracy.
And I hear we're getting a new cappuccino machine.
No, that's only for agents.
Oh.
Hey, Agent 23 is back.
Thank you. Thank you, thank you.
- Welcome back, 23. - Maxie.
So how was the assassination?
Maxie, you know assassinations are specifically prohibited...
...by executive order 12333.
23, you kill me.
- I could if I wanted to. - Yes, you... Oh. Oh!
Did you see that face he made? Scary.
Six months' work. 18 million dollars.
Fricking agents, man.
Come on, let's see it.
A lot of chatter in this region involves nuclear material.
You may remember from page 627 of my last report...
...that there has been an uptick in KAOS interest in nukes.
To wit, I offer the following conversation.
What are you doing? Are you texting?
Yeah, letting my fiancée know we won't be able to get married in June.
I'll still be in this meeting.
Can I see that a second? - Yeah.
That's great.
That's weird. You lost your signal.
Sorry to interrupt, Maxie, go ahead.
Next time use your own damn phone.
Good morning, men. No, offense, Karen.
Snappy tie.
Sorry I'm late, but I just came out of a budget meeting...
...with our incredibly abrasive, dismissive and sarcastic vice president.
It's no problem.
I have obtained a snippet, at great risk to a busboy in Balahd.
"Aftab, how is your coffee?"
"Good, Dalip, it's decaf.
How is yours?"
"It is good also.
How is your muffin?"
Powerful stuff.
So "muffin," then, is a code word?
No, it is comfort food...
...and quite frankly, more fattening than most people realize.
Which begs the question...
...why would two hardened KAOS agents...
...risk the carbs?
Because they are under a great deal of stress.
- Hence the decaf. - For Aftab, yes.
Dalip takes his full-strength. Why?
Because he has been sleeping on the couch for three days...
...because he called his sister-in-law a "leathery hag."
People often say things in anger they don't really mean.
Leathery hag, fat cow, ungrateful whore.
Just words, really, that shouldn't be used against you in a custody hearing.
Let it go, man. Those kids don't even look like you.
Can we put a pin in this, please...
...and go back to Max's extraordinarily detailed report?
Thank you, Chief. All I'm saying is...
...that until we understand that our enemies are also human...
...we will never defeat them.
Yes, they are bad guys, but that is what they do, not who they are.
Let's continue listening...
...and bear in mind that the next 100 pages can get a little bit dry.
Come on...
Easy, Durat! This stuff is radioactive.
One slip-up, and it's "ka-fricking-boom!"
Shtarker.
This is KAOS. We don't "ka-fricking-boom" here.
Sorry, Mr. Siegfried.
Get it in the truck, and let's burn this place to the ground.
But if we have what we want, why burn the building?
Any more questions?
Missed me!
All right! All right! I'm out!
He was lying, Max. It was a good shot.
Thanks.
I am so sick of training. I wanna get out in the field.
Give it up, 23! It's just you and Maxi-pad against the six of us.
Oh, gee, Maxi-pad, I've never heard that one before!
I never have actually heard that before.
23, you're bleeding.
It's a knife wound from the last mission. My blood gets pumping, it seeps.
Hey, Maxine!
Come over here and we'll play a game I like to call:
"Let's Go to the Dog Show."
I put a collar on you and make you my bi...!
I think I really got inside his head.
I am not proud of what I just did.
Game over, Chatty Cathy.
Game over when I say it's over.
- Okay. - Wet willy.
Okay. Who wants lunch?
Well, excellent work, 23, but I could've handled it my...
- Max, the Chief wants to see you. - It is nice to see you too!
You wanted to see me, Chief?
Yes, Max, yes, please, sit down.
Your field-agent test results just came in and...
- Something wrong with your ear? - Absolutely not.
Would you like me to wait while you answer that?
Answer what?
Nothing. You were saying?
I was saying the results are quite extraordinary.
In fact, your essay on existentialism was quite amazing.
I left that section blank.
Blank? Brilliant.
Brilliant, Max.
- You passed with flying colors. - Yes!
You know what, sir? I can't say that I am shocked.
I felt good about this year's test, in light of the fact...
...that in previous years, my fitness has been an issue.
Personal best.
But not anymore. I'm ready for duty.
I know how hard you've prepared for this...
...and how much this means to you...
...but I'm afraid I can't promote you.
- What? - I can't afford to give up my best analyst.
I mean, the amount of chatter you get through, and the reports...
...I mean, they go way beyond the raw data.
So to be clear, you're not promoting me, because I do such a great job.
Max, the way you and I work is becoming a lost art form.
I spend half my days trying to convince the vice president...
...that intelligence comes from humans and not satellites.
Men with hunches, that's where the real work gets done.
I'm very proud of you, Max...
...very proud of you...
...but I need you where you are.
I am sorry, but we can never be.
Despite today's setback, I will at some point become a field agent...
...and when that happens...
...one phone call could take me to the other side of the world.
Who am I kidding? I'm a middle-aged man who's missed the train.
You don't deserve this. I don't deserve you.
You're so young and so full of life.
Don't do it, Fang.
Don't love me.
Here.
- Oh, great. - Sorry.
That was my last mile. I have no idea how fast it was.
You were moving. It's not easy to knock me down.
I have a low center of gravity. Pretty solid.
I'm just gonna call that one a 4:50.
Impressive. I once ran a 5:16.
Oh, really? That's, uh, slower.
Not everything's a competition.
Well, if it were, I'd win.
Ah. Are you flirting with me?
Not at all. Are you flirting with me?
That depends. Is it working?
Not at all.
Well, nice meeting you! I admire your focus!
Am I invisible?
Bruce, Lloyd, what happened?
And what is that ungodly smell?
Fear.
I'll be back.
Freeze.
- No, you freeze. - You freeze.
- I told you to freeze. - Freeze times infinity.
Oh, my God.
- You. - You.
- Are you CONTROL? - I'm Maxwell Smart.
I am a CONTROL analyst. Who are you?
I'm Agent 99.
Oh, my word. You are Agent 99?
- I am a huge fan! - Thank you.
What are you doing?
I'm right here, just talk to me!
I'm going to cause a diversion. You run and get help.
- I really don't think that that's a... - Shh.
- Did you just...? - Shh!
Go, go, go!
Wait!
Somebody shut it off!
Good, 23, just in time. I think I got one of them.
Is that the Chief?
Yes, it is.
Sorry about that, Chief.
Is that a dent in his head?
Hi. Hi.
Agent 13, you are in a tree.
Yeah, communications got knocked down, so they put me in a tree.
- Old-school stuff. - Glad to see you're okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I have to get going. Would you raise up the walkway, please?
You don't have to get going. You don't have to go.
Yeah, I've got a meeting.
- How you been? - I've been well.
- Everything good? - It's great. Well, I gotta...
Could you come back this way?
Yeah, yeah, I think I will.
What time?
Well... Mm.
I get it.
Who wants to talk to a guy in a tree?
I get it.
Hang in there. Don't cry, don't... Please don't cry.
Okay. Let's get started.
You'll have to bear with me, I'm still a little fuzzy.
I got a pretty good hit in the head yesterday.
Yes, it was dark in there. You probably tripped.
I hurt my knee. It was smoky too.
All right, here's what we know.
Wait. Chief, I request the cone of silence.
Max, not the cone of silence. We're in a safe room, for God's sakes.
We thought CONTROL was safe.
Okay. Lloyd.
Okay, we have reason to believe that our security was breached by KAOS.
- You have to speak up. - Can you hear me?
- I'm not hearing anyone. - What?
- Can you hear me? - What did you say?
- Bruce, it's not working. - It's not working!
Chief! I hit you in the head with a fire extinguisher!
No, no, no, we're not ready yet.
Okay. All right.
- It doesn't work, get rid of it. - Turn it off.
This thing is no good. It's a useless piece of garbage.
- Turn it off! - Larabee, you all right?
Larabee wants out!
Today's the day, and we're gonna get rid of this damn thing.
- That is cold. That's cold. - All right, easy.
All right, are we done?
Yep. I can hear now.
Sorry, Chief, someone led me to believe the cone was ready.
For the record, I never actually used the word "ready."
"I'll show them the cone. The cone's the shizzle."
- You said that to me. - All right, shut up.
Listen up, people.
There's been a rash of thefts of nuclear material...
...especially yellowcake, over the last three months.
Now, based on Max's intel, we were able to get Agent 38 inside KAOS.
We must've been close to uncovering something...
...so KAOS hit us and they hit us hard.
They hacked our system...
...and learned the identities of all our field agents.
Around the world our people are under attack.
Our only lead is the maker of the bomb KAOS used against us.
Vladimir Krs...
- It's pronounced "Krstic," sir. - Yes...
Krstic.
Yes. He is a Bosnian national, and one of KAOS' favorite munitions suppliers.
Unfortunately, we have no idea where he is.
Actually, sir, we do. He is in Russia.
- How do you know that? - It was on page 482 of my report.
Doesn't anybody read my reports?
All right, our mission is clear, people. Find Krs...
- Krstic. - Yes. Find him!
- Kris Kringle. Fish stick. - Yes, Krs...
- Okay, I got it, I got it. Krstic.
Use him to get to KAOS, then recover the stolen nuclear material...
...before they can do something less than friendly...
...and maybe, if we're lucky, we can apprehend the man behind it all...
...Siegfried.
Pictured here with his number two man, Shtarker.
How are we gonna do that when our agents are compromised?
Put me out there, Chief. I'm not afraid to expose myself.
Do you ever think before you speak?
No, I just whip it out there. It's what's best.
Fortunately, we have other options.
99 recently underwent massive plastic surgery, so her new face is not known yet.
We also have a new agent, Agent 86.
Who's that, sir?
It's you, Max.
All right, Maxie.
You did it.
Lloyd, may I have the C.O.S. Please?
I'm so happy!
This is the best day of my life!
Max, you didn't push the button hard enough.
- So you could hear me? Yes.
- Right. - Excuse me, Chief, just a thought.
- I'm not questioning your judgment... 99, I insist on complete honesty.
If you have something to say to me, I wish you would just say it.
Max has no experience. I don't want him as my partner.
Well, that is a sucker punch to the gonads.
Hey, Max. We got you a lovely parting gift for your first mission.
Oh, a pocketknife.
Not just a pocketknife, Swiss Army knife.
Comes with tweezers, pliers, a tiny magnifying glass.
Fish scaler, a saw, a flamethrower, chisel, a wire-crimping tool.
- What was that thing you said? - Chisel?
Before that. Did you say flamethrower?
- Yeah. - Check it.
We also added a crossbow that fires harpoons...
...connected to spider-silk nano-thread. Has the strength of steel cable.
It's a time-consuming, labor-intensive technology.
The spiders have to be individually milked.
And they do not like it.
No, they don't.
Gentlemen, you're the best.
Thanks.
Ladies and gentlemen, while you are in your seats...
...please keep your seatbelts fastened.
I feel really good about us as partners.
23 says that's important.
"Trust is a must." That's what 23 says.
Does he?
You and I share a bond, I think.
We both know what it feels like to look in the mirror and not like what we see.
You with the surgery, me with the weight loss.
I wanna show you something.
That was me.
Wow, impressive.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
This is me.
Wow.
Very impressive, 99.
You were truly hideous back then.
Since we are going to be portraying husband and wife...
...maybe we should get our story set.
Okay, good idea.
We met at a marketing convention in Vegas. Married a year later. No kids.
I like your parents, but you hate mine.
Do we want kids?
Well, you do, but I'm concentrating on my career.
I don't know if that's fair. I mean, I'm older than you are.
- Well, not by much. - Really?
When they gave me a new face, I had them...
...take a couple years off.
You know, why not?
Well, if that's the case, then you are at an advanced age, and you should be...
Well, no. I was never...
I'm just saying that your eggs could dry up and fall out of your uterus.
So time is of the essence.
- That's your opinion. - No, that is a medical fact.
There is a lot of time for me to make this decision.
I will not be rushed into it by you or my mother.
- You don't have much time. - Where is the drink cart?
Uh-oh.
- What? - Six o'clock.
Don't turn around, don't turn around. Use your peripherals.
Do you see him?
I'm just widening my eyes. I'm not actually seeing anything more.
The big guy that might as well be holding up a sign:
"I'm an assassin, here to kill you."
Okay, 99, you know what? That is profiling.
Just because he is large doesn't necessarily mean that he is a bad guy.
Oh. Wow.
That's a bad guy. That's a really bad guy.
- You don't say. - Did you see his face?
Yes.
His head looks like one of the Easter Island heads.
You know what? I'm doing the same thing.
That's profiling, and I will have none of it.
Darn it, I have gum on my new shoes.
- He's trying to light his shoe. It's a shoe bomb!
- Get him! - It's gum.
- He's got a gun! - Not... Gum! Not... No! Gum!
Gum!
Federal marshal, you're under arrest.
Sir, I believe you just shattered my coccyx.
Folks, we may be experiencing a little turbulence.
The "fasten seatbelt" sign has been turned on.
Well, you were no help whatsoever.
How could I help? I'm just a woman with a dusty old uterus.
I never said dusty.
We're close to the drop site. I'll go first.
- Gonna be all right with your cuffs? - No cuffs can contain me.
Excuse me, violent sky marshal.
What do you want?
I have to squeeze the lemon.
Ugh.
You heard me.
Squeeze the lemon.
- Do you work out? - Occasionally.
Yeah, I'm big on protein. Protein's great.
I gotta get it out. I gotta get that out!
That's in there, that's in there.
No time for pain.
Over the drop zone.
Ball sack!
Son of a hamster.
- You all right in there? - Yeah. Yes, I am.
Everything's fine.
Mother of pearl!
That burns!
Last chance.
Airlock activated. Three, two, one.
First package away.
Absolutely, I love cats.
- Really? - Yeah.
Damn.
Second package away.
Oh, good, you heard me.
Third package away.
Third package?
99, Easter Island.
- I'll be right back! - Where could you possibly be going?
Okay, never do that again!
Stop hanging on me! Never! Stop it!
Max, I can't reach my reserve! Do something!
That would have definitely worked on me.
Are you crazy? If I can't pull my chute, you'll die too!
- Aim for the haystack. - Stop talking.
- Aim for the haystack, it's softer. - Stop talking!
You missed it.
Okay, not to keep dwelling on this...
...but that was some kiss.
How did you know that would work?
Have you kissed other men who plummeted to their deaths?
Okay, you know what?
So far, our entire partnership has consisted of me getting you out of trouble.
Do you know why? It is because you keep leading.
So here's how we stop that. I lead now.
I'm the one with experience. You know nothing.
I beg to differ.
I looked up your field agent exam, and I scored...
- My what? - Your field agent exam.
I scored eight points higher than you.
This is not a classroom.
That's the difference between an A plus and an A minus.
- You'll get us killed if you don't listen! - A minus!
Okay, you're faced with an assassin. What do you do?
- I take out my gun, and I would shoot... - You don't have a gun.
- I did until you took it. - Bang. You're dead.
- No, I'm not. - Bang. You're dead.
- Stop shooting me. - You are dead.
- I don't like it when you shoot me. - Bang. Bang. Bang.
- Stop it. - Bang. Bang.
Stop shooting me more. You already said I was... Hey.
Throw out your manual.
Out here there are no grades, there's only dead, and not dead.
You know, I am not completely incompetent without a gun.
I am a master in the art of Hwa Rang Do.
- I was not ready. - That's my point.
Yeah, you know what? That...
Hey, what was that?
Max is halfway to Moscow. Don't tell me you're still translating that Russian.
They talk fast, it's hard.
It takes like eight of these morons to do what Max did.
I can't wait till we finish the Hymie project.
All these stupid agents will be obsolete.
- Bye-bye. - What's a Hymie?
Hybrid Mechanical Intelligence Entity. Basically a robot.
It's a stolen KAOS technology.
Being reprogrammed. Top-secret. Need-to-know.
And you don't need.
I'm a trained killer. I can kill you with anything in this office.
You wanna die by Post-its? Because I could make that happen.
And that's a slow death.
- Larabee. - Yeah.
- Were you the last one to use the copier? - Yeah.
You left it jammed.
So? Why don't you...
...unjam it?
- Just open the door, read the instructions. - This your stapler?
- Yeah, want me to show you how to use it? - No.
Unjam that.
- 23. - Yes.
- Can I have a moment, please? - Sure.
Yes, Chief.
Let me tell you about a pattern that's beginning to emerge.
As a former field agent, I'm very much aware...
...of how difficult it is to make the transition to office life.
He didn't unjam the copier.
We have rules here. If you don't follow the rules, then what are we?
I'll tell you what we're not. We're not people who jam staples into people's heads.
That's CIA crap.
All right, look, Chief, I'm your best guy.
I don't belong in an office making copies. I should be out there with Max.
Look, 23, no more stapling today.
Just hold on.
So how do you know this place?
Well, as an analyst, I like to keep my ears open.
It's amazing what you learn...
...listening to chatter. In fact, Ladislas Krstic loves this place.
As do many KAOS agents. Café Minsk-Pinsk in Smolensk.
It doesn't get any better than "thinsk."
You see what I just did?
I added an "insk" at the end, made it sound Russian.
Should've smacked you harder.
Is that your default setting?
Do you just punch people in the face willy-nilly?
"It's Tuesday, I'll punch Max in the face."
"A box of kittens, time to punch Max in the face."
"I'm having bread, time to punch Max in the face."
You know, I love bread...
...and I know bread has a few carbs, but...
...I've never really been afraid of carbs...
...because it seems like no matter how many I eat, I stay "thinsk."
I'm sorry, are you talking to me?
No sprechen Sie Russian.
Boy, you know what? I will tell you, I love your country.
No more Communism. No rules of any kind, really.
I'm filling my suitcase with steroids and art from ancient Mesopotamia.
Ran over an old woman yesterday. Best vacation I've ever had.
Time to take my pill.
There was a guy in the bathroom who's really hot.
Okay...
No, no, no. Radioactive hot.
Although he did have a certain rugged quality that some find appealing.
How did you know he was radioactive?
My watch is a Geiger counter. You don't have one of these? Huh.
Listen, I think he was part of the nuclear theft in Chechnya.
We should follow him.
I gotta say, Max...
...you picked a good restaurant.
Of course.
Tripe soup.
- This must be Ladislas Krstic's house. - What?
Tripe soup is his favorite dish. It was in the mission dossier.
Let's just see what we're up against, okay?
I didn't get to eat at the restaurant.
And if you skip a meal, the next meal you overindulge.
- Well, let me. I've got nails. - It's a recipe for...
You owe me $3.
- More guards. - We'll have to figure out a way in.
Miniature blowgun.
You don't have one of these?
These darts are tipped with a tranquilizer derived from the skin of a lizard...
...known as los zapatos de la muerte.
"The shoes of death."
Excuse me.
They're 40 yards out, that's definitely the edge of my range.
I'm going to have to give this one a little something extra.
Wow.
You look spectacular.
Thanks.
You don't look too bad yourself.
Is that a wig?
Yeah, it came with the dress.
- How did I get into these clothes? - That's not important. Let's go.
Am I wearing boxers?
For future reference, I usually prefer briefs...
...for their security and peace of mind.
Going free-bird is not exactly ideal.
I don't like it.
There must be 200 people here.
Finding Krstic will be like finding a needle in a haystack.
I'd love to dance.
English? But you understand Russian? Very impressive.
Shall we?
I hope your date doesn't mind.
Oh, he's not my date.
He's just a local horse groomer I hired to drive me around.
It's a tragic story. He's quite deaf. Really not bright.
I am going to dance now.
You go get yourself some punch.
Okay.
I don't even know how much gets through.
Chief, I need your help.
You're on. Go ahead.
We have found Krstic.
I searched his house. I can't find his computer network.
Get me an infrared satellite scan.
I have to get back to 99, she is in grave danger.
Your house is so beautiful.
It must be difficult to go to work.
I don't have to go very far.
I don't think so.
I wasn't talking to you.
Me?
I don't know.
It'll be fun.
Trust me.
You are so light on your feet.
I recently lost 150 pounds.
So did I.
Isn't it great? I have so much more energy now.
Me too.
- Thanks for jumping. - No problem.
Thank you for the lovely dance.
Did you see anything while I was dancing?
Just once, but I don't think you expected him to lift you so high.
Anyway, I found out that the office is in the guest house.
Really? How'd you do that?
Show him a little décolletage, cleavage, bat your eyes?
I'm not judging, just detecting a pattern.
- Ready to work? - I'm ready to work. You ready?
- Oh, my God. - You're just having fun showing your:
Six guards. We are going to need another way in.
Stand by, Max. Larabee, let's go. Move it.
- What'd you do? - I can't find the right screen.
It was here a second ago, then it went away.
- What did you hit? - Don't yell at me. It's not helping!
If you don't find that screen...
...I'm gonna have you hunting for land mines, with a hammer!
Got it, Max. There is one other entrance.
What kind of entrance?
The kind where you'll wanna throw your shoes out afterwards.
Oh, great, rats. It's not enough that there's poop.
You know what, I never saw James Bond in rats or poop, let alone rats and poop.
Look, a rat riding on a piece of poop.
Stop it. It's just a storm drain.
Here it is.
Exploding dental floss. You don't have this? Hm.
Three, two...
...one.
Right.
Come on.
Are you staring at my butt?
No, I am not.
I might have been before, but I am...
Now I am again. All right, I'm stopping.
Pay attention to what I'm doing, so that you can follow me exactly.
Yep.
Okay, Max. Little heads-up.
High-intensity lasers. Whatever part of you does touch gets sliced.
One more reason why boxers were a bad idea.
All right, so do I have to do it exactly like that?
Just come on.
That's impressive. Wow.
Careful, this one's tricky.
Good.
Very good.
Okay, it's not that good.
Max. Max.
Stay calm.
Max, keep it together. Keep it together.
Max. Max.
Careful! No, no.
He's nibbling. That's not cheese!
Max, be quiet!
Okay, shall we?
Did I hear something?
Yes, there were some tap dancers in the hallway.
Damn it. I can't get into their system. Biometric security.
If you don't mind, 99...
The old "steam sticks to everything but the oil from the last thumb print" trick.
Here we go.
- Shipments of explosives. - Your boyfriend is a very bad man.
- And a really good kisser. - Ignoring that.
Look at that shipment of detonators. It's a little odd.
Well, he is a bomb-maker.
No. What is odd is that it was shipped to a bakery in Moscow.
These detonators can also be used for nuclear bombs.
I think this is our connection to KAOS.
I set that up.
Let her go.
No.
I'm not totally incompetent without a gun, you know.
Thanks for the help.
That's enough. Pity.
I'm about to shoot beautiful woman and her retard stable boy.
And yet...
...I will sleep like baby.
- Not bad for a rookie. - Not bad for an old lady.
Siegfried here.
How could you possibly screw this up?
Krstic was a fool.
- And they got lucky. - Who's that? Who's speaking?
That's no one, sir.
They're heading towards you. Don't disappoint me again.
Don't worry, sir. They won't get pa...
Why does he do that?
Don't look at me. I'm no one.
And don't you forget it.
Everyone here can be replaced.
I even have backup for you.
It's called a rhinoceros.
I think it's time to find new wheels. Pull over.
I feel good about the mission so far, don't you?
So far, sure.
I think we work very well together.
Like at the mansion.
The way I held that guy's hair while you punched him in the throat.
That was nice.
Nice?
Yeah, well, good teamwork.
What are you doing?
I'm just saying that I think we're very compatible.
I think that you are confusing adrenaline with, I don't know...
...some other kind of hormone.
- No. That's not... - Know what, Max? Just stop it.
Let me give you a lesson that I had to learn the hard way.
You can't trust anyone out here, not even me.
I mean, you know, I could be a double agent.
The break-in at CONTROL was probably an inside job.
It happened just as I got back. How do you know that it wasn't me?
- What are we talking about here? - Let's just find a car.
Which one's gonna attract the least attention?
All right, well, we have a couple Soviet-era sedans here...
...we have that tractor, that cart...
...and... That'll work.
- No. - Yes.
No.
Yes.
- Oh, yeah, we are really under the radar. - Will you relax?
Since the fall of Communism, everybody has one of these here.
There's our little KAOS bakery.
I don't have to remind you, but this isn't like the last place.
There's no party, there's no dancing. Everyone in there is a trained killer.
Do you understand? Okay.
Did they explain to you how your belt buckle works?
No, but the technology for holding up pants hasn't changed much.
- Max. - Hey, what?
This one has a compartment. Inside there's a pill.
If captured, it would cause death in nine seconds.
Great.
But how exactly do I get them to take it?
- Not much of a laugher, are you? - Here. Put this on.
- On what? - On your molar.
It's a tooth radio. It sends sound up your jawbone, into your ear.
I can't hear anything outside your mouth, so if you get in trouble, you have to say so.
Is it working?
- Is it working? - Yes.
Good.
Okay.
Well, you know what to do. Good luck in there.
You too.
Free rugelach?
No, thank you. I am here for something else.
Bread?
- Something hot. - We have rolls that just came out.
Even hotter. Much, much hotter.
I already have boyfriend.
- All right... - Although, I could make exception.
No, that's okay.
Sure? Flour sacks in back, very comfortable.
I don't think we are on the same page.
I'm here because Ladislas Krstic sent me.
Ah. Take number.
But I'm the only one here.
Oh.
Who are you?
My name is Nudnik Shpilkes. Who are you?
- I am Siegfried. - Did you say Siegfried?
Max!
Yes.
I understand that you're the man to see...
...if someone is interested in acquiring items of a nuclear nature.
- How do I know you're not CONTROL? - Lf I were CONTROL, you'd already be dead.
If you were CONTROL, you'd be dead.
Well, neither of us is dead, so I'm obviously not from CONTROL.
That actually makes sense.
Follow me, Mr. Shpilkes.
Test. Test.
Ah. The "Ode to Joy" from Beethoven's Ninth.
Stone deaf when he wrote it. Syphilis. Fun stuff.
Yes, a personal favorite. A bit familiar, but it ends with a bang.
You're doing great, Max.
What I'm about to show you is the inner sanctum of our entire operation.
The inner sanctum of the entire operation?
Yes.
This is it?
Of course not. I lied.
He does that.
I'm going to kill you, and then I'm going to kill your partner.
I don't know who you're talking about.
Ah. Mrs. Shpilkes must be lost.
I think it's only fair to warn you, this facility is surrounded...
...by a highly trained team of 130 Black Op snipers.
- I don't believe you. - Would you believe...
...two dozen Delta Force commandos?
- No. - How about Chuck Norris with a BB gun?
Goodbye, Mr. Smart.
Well, Mr. Shtarker, I think you've underestimated me...
...and the element of surpr...!
99, we've been compromised. Get out.
Access denied.
Access denied. Access denied.
Access denied.
Max, where are you?
99, I found the yellowcake.
Of course you did, it's a bakery.
No, not yellow "cake" cake, yellowcake uranium.
Although there is yellow "cake" cake here as well.
Oh, Max.
Max, do you read...?
99!